Lazy Commentary: A Love Story

MYSPACE BIO WRITINGS

My friend Lauren asked me to write her myspace bio and I couldn't have been more pleased to do so. I wrote 2 versions. The first one was rejected because Lauren apparently thought it made her look like a slut with no soul. And the second version was accepted but edited to make it more PG-13.

Here's the rejected version and incidentally my favorite

Hidy Ho Gals and Guys!!! The name’s Lauren Deen and I’m here to rock your world both metaphorically and with physical violence. As you can see in my pictures, I’m a cute blonde with not a care in the world. Actually, I take that back. I do care about the environment and getting sex diseases from my numerous gentlemen suitors. But, other than that it’s Party Party Party!!!! If you asked me if I like to chunder the man thunder because I like to please my man, I would say “absolutely not”. I like to chunder the man thunder because it makes me feel pretty. I mean isn’t that what the feminist revolution was all about!? Are you with me ladies!?

Anyway, drop me a line sometime and maybe we can go light some crosses on fire sometime.


Now the original accepted version

Have ever wondered what it’s like to born awesome? Well, you probably don’t. But, if you’d like know then look no further than me, Lauren Deen!!! It’s really not my fault that God made me better than you. It is however my fault that I taunt those less fortunate than me. But do I feel guilty? Not really. Hey, as long as I’m thin and pretty then what the hell do I care? Are you with me ladies?

Currently I live in Fort Worth, Texas where I was born and raised. I have a roommate named Lindsay. Lindsay and me are best friends for life. Which makes it real shame that I have to end her life in what should be the bloodiest display of my affection and love towards my dark master, Satan. HAHAHAHAHAHAA Just kidding. But seriously I’m not kidding. I have a super rad job that is in no way depressing. I also have a killer boyfriend named Michael. And when I say “killer” I mean he’s actually killed a man. I also drive a cute SAAB that’s great for fleeing the scene of the crime. I guess when it comes right down to it, life is pretty sweet….pretty fucking sweet indeed.